The Three Chaps
by Death-By-Bacon
Summary: Sequel to the Three Years. Sasuke, now rid of Orochimaru, sets out for this own team to defeat Itachi. But sadly, Sasuke is a dysfunctional-family-magnet. What wackiness ensues? CRACK
1. Introduction

Intro

Intro

All that could be heard in the Orochimaru lair that day were the sobs of Kabuto, crying hopelessly over the remains of his dead wife. If you hadn't known any better, you would have been oblivious to the fact that Kabuto was married to Orochimaru. But now, poor Kabuto, who sadly had not the ability to cope in society without a companion of some sort (whether it was a wife or mind-controlling Akatsuki members), had no one to be with him, and he could not bear to think of the loneliness.

But who had the nerve to slay Orochimaru, one of the Sound Village's most trusted leaders? Why did Kabuto not go out and avenge this deed? Sadly, Kabuto could not, for it was Sasuke, his adopted son.

(For those of you who are confused and have that stupid "Duh?" look on your face, you really should know this story is a sequel, and you may not understand it very well unless you've read the first story. But if you must know…)

Yes, Orochimaru and Kabuto were Sasuke's adoptive parents. But Sasuke was not here anymore. Just moments ago, Sasuke had dashed off, away from his father, to join the world after defeating his mother once and for all. Kabuto wailed bitterly, for he and Sasuke had had wonderful moments together. Sitting in the bloody mess of Orochimaru, he thought of the better times.

"Remember when I took him to the Toy Store for the first time?" he sobbed to Orochimaru's scary, white snake head. "'Member how he broke the train when we got home?" He paused, as he tried his best to smile, though it was hard. "_He was such a fat child_!" He rolled over and cried harder.

"Everything's ruin, honey!" he gasped. "Sasuke's gone, you're gone…!" He rolled back over and looked at Orochimaru again.

Suddenly he frowned. "…no…" he whispered. "…No. I'm a doctor, dammit! I won't let this stop me!" Carefully, he picked up Orochimaru's head and looked at it hard. "I'll do what I have to do…with science!"

Kabuto stayed in that lair for a long time. No one was quite sure what he was doing, but word of Orochimaru's defeat traveled far across the lands.

And everywhere Sasuke went, the rumors followed.

Author's Notes: Hahaha…yeah…

Just to say I'm trying to get things up. I think I may have some solid ideas for the first chapters, but I'm gonna say this now, this story's gonna be hard to pull off. For one thing, it's going to have to be based very closely to the actual story, which can be difficult to make funny. The first story was easier since the story never looked into what exactly happened in the lair for those three years.

Anyways, I'm gonna try and get this story off the ground. I hope when it's ready for viewing eyes, you'll enjoy it. I'll try to have fun with it like before. Chow!


	2. And So it Begins Again

Author's Notes: I'm sorry about having a huge gap in the time I said the chapter would come and when it actually did

Author's Notes: I'm sorry about having a huge gap in the time I said the chapter would come and when it actually did. But I've been sooooooooooooooo busy lately.

…Okay, I lied. I've been busy but I have had time to do it. I just have had no ideas and I've been lazy again.

I tend to be lazy often, as you may have already guessed.

But none-the-less, it's here. I need more ideas for this story fast, but this is what you're getting for now. Might not be that funny. I dunno. Usually things I put in these stories than don't make me laugh usually make others laugh. Unusual? I don't share my own sense of humor? Then why would I put it in here? Gawd, I'm so interesting I amaze myself. ;)

Chapter One

And So it Begins Again…

In the late afternoon of a sunny day out in the middle of the forest was a horribly worn and destroyed training ground. Because it was so, as you say, shabby and damaged, it hadn't been used in at least a year or so. In its day, it saw fierce preparation in some of the world's most powerful ninjas, but it was usually vacant now-a-days; except for the occasional birds who came to nest. But today, a young boy climbed his way around the debris as if looking for something. He was tall (taller than he was years ago, for he was once pretty short himself) and had dark hair that covered his wandering eyes. These were his normal features, however, there was something different about him today. (And it wasn't because he was looking for something so intently.)

He smelled strongly of blood.

Sasuke Uchiha. One of the last on the Uchiha clan. A runaway from Konoha who'd joined Orochimaru in seek of pure power. Many people knew his name. He was rumored about all over the country he now resided in, although he would not live there much longer. You see, Sasuke had been mixed up in confusion over the past three years. According to his first plan, he was to find Orochimaru and become his apprentice. Orochimaru (and Kabuto) had other plans.

So they adopted him. Orochimaru was Sasuke's "mother" and Kabuto was the "father." Strange, I know, and probably not what you'd expected. No, this is probably far from the rumors that circulated from village to village, but it was the truth and nothing but it. But the embarrassment of the mix-up…the humiliation it caused him forced Sasuke to rebel and try to runaway again. Therefore, he killed Orochimaru.

In fact, he had just killed him ten minutes ago. Their fight was over in minutes, leaving Sasuke the victor. He now had the opportunity he never had to run away from it all and begin his quest to destroy Itachi, his brother whom had killed his entire clan.

But really, do you need to hear _that_ story again?

Well, with all that aside, let's get back to Sasuke again, shall we?

Sasuke was very good at looking for things. In his third grade class at the Sound Village Ninja Academy (which he was a student of because his "parents" believed he truly was around eight years old.) he often had to find lost toys off the higher shelves. After all, he was fifteen and they were all eight. Granted, he could see more places than they could. In truth, Sasuke hated having to go back to elementary school again, but it meant a few hours away from his family, and that made him happy.

But today, he was struggling to find what he was looking for, that it, until he saw a large puddle in the center of a clearing. This puddle was what he searched for, but why? What is so strange about a puddle? The fact was it hadn't rained in two weeks, and he knew the puddle was something…or someone…he needed to find. As he stepped forward, the puddle almost lifted itself. Like some sort of gel, it rose up and began to form a head, and then shoulders, and then a torso…until a wet looking man, probably a little older than Sasuke, was sitting on the ground.

But Sasuke stiffed when he saw him, for he was naked. And everyone knows nakedness can make any conversation awkward, no matter what the subject.

The strange man took a deep breath and exhaled loudly, grinning up at Sasuke, who was looking off in the distance. He had short, shark-like, sharp, pointy teeth.

And he was…naked.

Sasuke shuddered.

"It's good to have my body back." the man said, relieved. "After Orochimaru took my body, it…well…how should I say this…?"

"Pleased to meet you." Sasuke said sharply.

The white-haired man looked up again and smiled. "So you freed me? Thanks, I guess."

"I'm Sasuke. Sasuke Uch…"

"I know who you are." the man interrupted. "And you know my name, too."

"I'm just being formal." Sasuke snapped. He was in no mood to be argued with today.

"Well then. I'm Suigetsu." he grinned. "You may call me 'Shu.'"

"Shoe?" Sasuke sneered. This was honestly ridiculous.

"Okay, maybe not…" Suigetsu mumbled. "Just call me…"

"Suigetsu." Sasuke snapped. "I'll call you Suigetsu."

"Alright, fine." Suigetsu sighed while thinking, _What a drama queen_…!

There was a pause, and then Suigetsu looked up at Sasuke again. "I know your plan. You're making a team. I'm the first. Who are the rest then?"

He sure liked getting to the point. Still Sasuke avoided eye contact. Because as you know…

Suigetsu was naked.

And it made Sasuke uncomfortable.

"There are two more." Sasuke explained. "Juugo from the North Base and Karin from the South base."

Suigetsu paused again. "Oh really…?" he said, stiffening at the sound of the other two names.

"What?"

"Oh, I just don't like them at all, that's all." he grinned. "I'm not sure I could work on a team with those two…and get along."

"Don't care." Sasuke said quickly with his arms folded, startling Suigetsu a little. He was not expecting that reaction at all for some reason.

"I guess you did save me…I guess I can work with them…" Suigetsu started, standing up. Sasuke made a grunting noise and looked away, his face red.

Because Suigetsu was NAKED.

"…but…" Suigetsu continued, now standing upright. "…I'm not sure what to make of the one who choose those two… Sasuke Uchiha."

_He just said his name for emphasis._

He now noticed Sasuke was strangely looking away from him.

"Is something wrong?" he asked slowly.

"Clothes." Sasuke said simply.

"Come again?"

"Put…some…clothes…ON…" Sasuke grunted. He looked murderously unhappy.

"There is nothing wrong with stripping and running around." Suigetsu told him.

"Yes there is."

"Really. You should try it sometime."

"No!" Sasuke yelled, rather loudly. To think, if his fan girls (and I mean the ones who bought cookies from him months ago) ever saw him like that…he's be dead…

Suigetsu laughed. "You really do talk like you're in charge."

In a flash, he was behind Sasuke before Sasuke could see him, and he had his finger jabbed into Sasuke's temple. This was worse.

Suigetsu was naked…AND touching him. And he was right behind him.

"Let's make this clear, Sasuke." Suigetsu said, suddenly serious. "Orochimaru had many enemies. Just because you defeated him does not make you in charge. He would have been wiped out sooner or later."

Sasuke, frozen, stared forward without another word.

"I'm not entirely sure what's happened, but I know Orochimaru liked you." Suigetsu continued. "You just had more chances to kill him than anyone else." That was no surprise. He had adopted him for Pete's sake.

There was silence for a moment, then Sasuke decided to act smoothly. "You're point?"

Suigetsu wasn't expecting this reaction either. "…I could kill you right now. I have a good change, no?"

WHAM! Sasuke could no longer take the awkwardness and slammed his elbow into Suigetsu's stomach. He made a grunting noise and fell over. In that time given, Sasuke daintily skipped away as far as possible. And yes, he skipped.

Just try and picture it.

"I was…joking…!" Suigetsu cringed. "Honestly, take a joke."

"Clothes." Sasuke snapped.

"Okay, okay…" he chuckled, standing back up. Sasuke still refused to look at him.

Cuz' he was N.A.K.E.D. Naaaaaaaaked.

Really now, I should stop doing that. It was just that obvious. You just don't see people walking around in the nude everyday. It's quite rare.

"I heard you were strong long ago when I heard you defeated me senior, Zabuza." Suigetsu grinned. "I'll go with you. But do you mind if we take a small detour?"

Sasuke shrugged. "If you dress yourself." he mumbled.

The two crept back into the lair to get Suigetsu a change of clothes, or at least a temporary pair until they could reach the nearest department store. It took Sasuke a moment before he recognized where he had seen Suigetsu before. It had been silently eating at him the entire discomfited conversation they had had. He remembered the first day of walking to Orochimaru's lair and seeing an albino man wrapped in bandages who turned out to be, as you guessed, Orochimaru.

_So he was the last body Orochimaru took_, he thought quietly. He knew Orochimaru had taken his body, but he didn't know he had been the previous one.

It made sense now, at least.

For some odd reason, the two never saw Kabuto, Sasuke's father who had been sobbing in the lair moments ago next to his dead wife's snake, body …thing; quite pathetically, I might add. But no matter. They grabbed one of Sasuke's sexy open-chest outfits and Suigetsu quickly put it on. Then without another word, the two dashed quickly out the door, and out of the forest.

Suigetsu was quiet for a while as they leapt out through the trees. "…Sasuke?"

"Yeah?"

"I was thinking…"

Sasuke made a long, loud sigh.

"…you and I could be bros."

There was hope in Suigetsu's voice, which made Sasuke cringe.

"What?"

"Best bros!" Suigetsu grinned. "We seem to have that sort of…bond, if you will."

"No." was his answer. To be truly honest, this was very difficult talking to Suigetsu. Sasuke had spent three years being treated as if he still needed to go to preschool. He had no spoken to someone even close to his age in, well, the entire time he was there. Three years without a conversation with a peer. It was always seven-year-olds or his highly insane "parents." But the thought of _being friends_ with someone his age…it was even scarier. He grimaced at the thought.

"Don't say that." Suigetsu sighed. "I think we were destined to be best bros since the moment I met you."

"No."

"I think we'll be bros till the end of time." He smiled.

"No!"

"Can't stop now, Sasuke. We're already permanent buddies!"

Sasuke slapped Suigetsu across the face. He simply laughed.

"Good one, bro!"

"I'm not your friend!" Sasuke fumed. "I'm your leader!"

"I'll still be bros with you no matter what you are." Suigetsu said firmly. This time Sasuke smacked himself.

The air was thick with, as you guessed, awkwardness. Finally, Sasuke broke the silence.

"What's this detour or yours, anyways?"

"I need a sword." Suigetsu said.

"Zabuza's sword." Sasuke guessed.

"Yep. But I don't know where it is."

"I do."

Suigetsu beamed at him. "Really!? You're the best bro a guy could have!"

"Ugh…"

"Where is it?" he asked, eagerly.

"Not far." Sasuke admitted. "We'll be there by tomorrow, if we hurry."

"Good." Suigetsu grinned. "I'm glad I'm on your team, then."

The two traveled silently throughout the day until it had become too dark to move on. They quickly made camp and hoped to arrive at the town Sasuke had briefly spoken about to Suigetsu. While Sasuke made camp, Suigetsu took off in search of firewood. he did not return for a good four hours.

When he finally stumbled back into camp he was grinning, laughing even, which did not amuse Sasuke, who was at his end of patience with him.

"Where have you been?" he snapped. He was sitting around a fire he had made himself because, well, Sasuke doesn't like to wait.

"Sasuke, bro, you missed it!" Suigetsu grinned. As he stepped into the firelight, Sasuke could see scratches all over his face.

"What happened to you!?" he cried.

"Opossums." Suigetsu grinned wider. Sasuke slapped himself again and questioned no further.

"So we'll get there tomorrow?" Suigetsu asked again.

"Yeah."

"I wanna get there now!" he whined.

"Shut up." Sasuke growled. He rolled over on his mat and started to fall asleep. It had been an unusual, strange, and long day. He needed a moment of two to relax and think.

"Sasuke?" Suigetsu whispered.

"…what is it now?" Sasuke sighed deeply.

"There's a bug on you." Suigetsu whispered.

Sasuke stiffened, but calmed down. He needed to act tough, and his teeny irrational fear of bugs wouldn't be good for his new authority.

"Then brush it off." he grunted.

"Ew, no way!" Suigetsu squealed. (Quite girly-like, I might add.)

Sasuke jolted up and began slapping himself silly. Suigetsu only stared quietly. Finally, as Sasuke stopped, he spoke.

"Sasuke…?"

"What?"

He paused a moment. "It…it flew off."

"UGH!" Sasuke snapped. "_Go to bed_!"

"Alright, alright!" Suigetsu sighed. "_Party pooper_…"

"What was _that_!?" Sasuke grunted murderously.

"Nothing."

Sasuke waited until Suigetsu fell sound asleep to move. He rolled onto his back and stared up at the leaves in the trees, deep in thought.

He saw the faced of his former "family", and watched flashes of scaring scenes from his former life. He sighed louder and rolled back onto his side.

"Whatever this is, it has to be better that Orochimaru…" he mumbled to himself as he fell asleep.

Author's Notes: This is harder to write than The Three Years. Reason because: this portion of Sasuke's life is more shown in the comics. I can't make up stuff. I must follow the story. And it sucks.

I hope it gets better…


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